I exchanged a few messages with one of my closest friends.
He’s having trouble with a girl he started seeing not long ago.
He says she’s not as warm as he hoped she would be.
And from what he tells me, she doesn’t seem as invested in building something as he is.
I told him what I thought.
What I would probably do if I were in his place.
After we spoke, something occurred to me.
Most people only see what happens in a relationship.
The texts.
The tone.
The silences.
But relationships rarely live there.
They live underneath.
In the small negotiations no one talks about.
The little advances.
The careful retreats.
The places people open.
And the places they close.
From the outside, the pattern can be painfully obvious.
And still, every now and then, the brain gets drunk on dopamine.
When that happens, even the clearest picture disappears.
Which is funny.
Because the older I get, the more I realise something simple.
Understanding the game doesn’t stop you from playing it.
It only helps you see the rules a little sooner.